


expectation/reality

by secondaudrina (firstaudrina)



Category: Gossip Girl (TV 2007)
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-01
Updated: 2014-12-01
Packaged: 2021-02-27 09:00:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22354474
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/firstaudrina/pseuds/secondaudrina
Summary: Nelly Yuki was a loser from the second she stepped foot in her first Constance classroom.
Relationships: Dan Humphrey/Nelly Yuki, Nelly Yuki & OFC
Kudos: 18





	expectation/reality

**Author's Note:**

> All canon is canon, but Dan isn't Gossip Girl.

Nelly Yuki was a loser from the second she stepped foot in her first Constance classroom, and not because of her clothes or her glasses or her IQ – it was just some ineffable quality that set her apart, and apparently everyone could smell it on her. She was just _wrong_.

It didn't help that she didn't drink, didn't shop for fun. She wasn't invited to parties where she might try a cocktail, and she didn't need new dresses to sit in her room.

Not even two years out of college and Raf Simons himself sent Nelly a Dior bag with a handwritten thank-you note. She allowed herself the gloat. She deserved it.

Nelly grew up the only child of two parents who actually loved each other. That shouldn't exactly have been a show-stopping factoid, but when placed in context with the rest of her class, well. It kind of was. Her dad and her mom were in love, but more than that, they just really got along. They really liked each other. And Nelly really liked them.

Sometimes she would make up problems just to fit in with her friends' complaining. Hazel's stepmother was having an allergic reaction to her Botox. Iz's dad was having an affair with Kati's mom. Penelope was blackmailing her dad's junior partner. There was so much going on with all of them that Nelly was embarrassed to offer up things like: her dad came home early from his business trip just because he missed her mom, and they had a great time playing family Scrabble while watching old movies.

Who wouldn't think that was lame?

Nelly's first semester at Yale was about as miserable as her entire Constance career, but then something miraculous happened: she made a friend.

They met in a theatre elective Nelly took out of curiosity. Alexia was tall with a round, pretty face dotted with freckles and long, loose limbs that she only seemed to have minimal control over. She was a drama major and a loudmouth; Nelly's opposite in many ways, and also maybe the most normal person Nelly had ever met. Alexia ended up Nelly's partner in a scene project and by the end of the first week she was also the best friend Nelly had had since Susie Chen in first grade.

By year two, Nelly had thrown out all her headbands and colored tights.

Nelly would always be embarrassed to say that it took her years post-breakup to realize that Todd Jansen was a shitty boyfriend. It would take her even longer to realize she didn't like him very much in the first place. She was lonely and insecure and he was cute enough; at fifteen she didn't need much more to motivate her. But Todd _sucked_ , list not limited to: the Flo Rida concert, upsetting her on purpose the night before the SATs, and deciding he just wouldn't go down on her. Ever.

But at least half the time Nelly was going out with Todd, she had a thing for Dan Humphrey.

She met him freshman year during student government, because the first year was co-ed while they taught everyone how it worked. She remembered him as initially quiet but increasingly opinionated over the course of the hour-long meetings, until the upperclassmen helping them just ceased to answer any of Dan's questions. She liked that about Dan. And she liked that he seemed totally unaware of being flat-out gorgeous. It seemed everyone else was unaware of it too, just because he had a bad haircut and a scholarship.

By the time Nelly extricated herself from the Todd scenario, Dan Humphrey had zipped right out of her league.

Alexia was going through an ill-advised blonde phase when she said, "We're going out, Yuki, and you are finding a dude."

Alexia was always finding herself a dude and then doing away with him roughly thirty-six hours after she found him, but the closest Nelly had gotten to a boy since high school was spilling her coffee on the cute guy in her lit class. So she was more than up for it.

Nelly had gotten pretty good at doing herself up to her own liking: neutrals, big chunky necklaces, metallic frames. She felt good when she went out now, like her skin actually fit the person inside it. So she went out to snag a boy and returned to her apartment at three a.m. with one in tow. The sex was good, not great, but better than Todd for sure; after he left she took a long soak and did some light Dan Humphrey Facebook stalking.

It felt pretty great, actually.

The day Nelly got into Yale felt like finally being able to breath after being underwater too long. She had been so terrified that all her hard work, all her miserable days sitting on the steps and running errands for girls she hated, would remain rewarded. She was afraid she'd been killing herself for four years for a big fat nothing, but all those worries evaporated instantly when she got that acceptance.

When she got that acceptance and Blair Waldorf _didn't_.

Nelly had always been proud of herself for being the kind of girl who set goals and followed them through. She didn't believe in luck or laziness, just hard work. Maybe that made her less fun than some people, but that was a price she was just fine paying. So she did just that: worked hard, graduated early, and landed an internship, then a job at Women's Wear Daily.

"You're so annoying to be friends with," Alexia complained. "You get too much done. I took all afternoon just to paint my nails."

Alexia moved in after her own graduation a year later. Everything was pretty much ideal at that point – there was a lot of drunk Netflix, and laughing over Blair Waldorf's disaster wedding photos, and all sorts of mild pettiness that Nelly liked to reward herself with.

But then one day she was killing time at work (even a workaholic like her had to get bored once in a while) scrolling through Gossip Girl, and there it was: a picture of Dan Humphrey kissing Blair Waldorf. It was a totally stupid thing to get mad about but Nelly felt suddenly transported to her seat on the chilly Met steps, swallowing her words every time Blair spat a new diatribe her way.

Because even though she never deserved it, Blair Waldorf always seemed to have a way of getting what Nelly wanted.

When Nelly tried to explain this, Alexia looked at her like she was crazy. "Um, hello, you are like a totally boss fashion bitch, and this chick is a twenty-two year old divorcée wearing a rhinestone tiara. This is no contest, bro."

But it wasn't about facts, it was about feelings, and Nelly was used to Blair crushing hers.

The most embarrassing moment in Nelly's entire life was when she almost told Dan she was in love with him.

It was after high school graduation and she was trashed on _wine coolers_ , which apparently made confessing seem like a rational decision. She didn't remember much from that night except how urgent it felt – and how warmly amused Dan's eyes were, laughing at her a little in a way that made her feel heated instead of offended. But that was probably also the wine coolers talking.

So she ended up having sex with Dan.

He invited her out for drinks and he was different, had been since they came back into each other's lives. He wasn't as warm, or as kind; there was an edginess to him that Nelly found appealing and off-putting in equal measure. She liked him but he made her nervous, and he'd never really done that before.

She didn't plan on sleeping with him. One drink led to two and he got a little drunk, a lot charming and Nelly just couldn't help herself. They stumbled their way into her apartment – _just_ into her apartment, because Dan crowded up against the wall and slipped his hands under her legs to lift her up. Nelly deeply hoped Alexia wasn't home but she was also just drunk enough not to really care.

They made it to her room eventually, where Dan passed out with his face smushed into her pillow. Whatever anyone would think, Nelly hadn't been holding a candle for him; she just liked to think about him once in a while, wonder about what might have been. She liked to see what he was up to. Often, Nelly liked the feeling of having a crush more than she liked the process of acting on it, so it had been enough for her to just have a crush on Dan. And now she'd gone and fucked him, even though he was _different_ and probably depressed and definitely hung up on a girl who was not Nelly Yuki.

But looking at him asleep in her bed, Nelly found it genuinely hard to care very much.

After a few minutes she got up and went into the bathroom, drew a bath even though it was the middle of the night, and soaked while reading bad reviews of Blair's new clothing line on her phone.

And Nelly felt pretty good about herself.


End file.
